On Loving without Expectations

A very wise man taught me this principle:

“To love is to commit to the needs of the other person, for the rest of his life, without expectations.”

Tough? Yup. I agree… I believe this is the legendary unconditional love.

  • Love puts up with all things, trusts in all things, hopes for all things,
    endures all things.
  • Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
  • Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope,
    and never quits.
  • It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
  • Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never
    gives up.
  • Love never comes to an end.
  • Love finds no joy in unrighteousness.
  • It looks for a way of being constructive.
  • It is not possessive: it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own
    importance.
  • It is not selfish, it does
    not become angry,
  • Love cares more
    for others than for self.
  • Isn’t always “me first,”
  • Puts up with
    anything, Always looks for the best
  • Love never dies.
  • Love has no pride. Love does not do the wrong thing. Love never thinks of itself. Love does not
    get angry. Love does not remember the suffering
    that comes from being hurt by someone.
  • Love does not do things that are not nice.
  • It does not demand its own way.
  • It suffereth all things
  • Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to
    its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in
    fact, the one thing that still stands when all
    else has fallen.

What can I say?  I believe, one can never call himself brave until one jumps and say “I have loved, therefore I lived.”

 

I hope this Christmas season will bring your hearts unforgettable moments of complete joy. May the peace from our Lord Jesus Christ guide you and protect your heart. I pray for all of those reading this blog that soon, your joy will be complete.

Merry Christmas, guys.

 

 

 

 

 

Loving you is rest

Loving you is like breathing fresh air in the middle of the green fields while the light shines silently as my day begins, it’s new every morning. Loving you is walking on solid ground, strong, steadfast and unchangeable. Loving you is easy and light and not burdensome. Loving you is like a gift, unexpected but freely given. Loving you is courage, teaching me to jump off a cliff and dare to feel alive and live. Loving you is finding comfort amidst this confounding universe, there is stillness in the sound of your voice. Loving you is discovering the deepest depths of the ocean, unraveling the beauty in the mystery of your soul. Loving you is seeing my Maker through your eyes, loving me through your heart. Loving you is finally coming home, finding everlasting rest in the arms of my beloved, dwelling safely in the shelter of my one and only Lover, Loving the peace, that surpasses all reasons, I can only find in your embrace… Indeed, loving you is finding rest. Loving you is rest.

Empire Hotel

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I sat beside a legacy of a smooth

brown intriguing mystical box.

It is by the window, looking beyond the beach.

I opened and touched those white bars of enchanting tune.

Those skinny pieces of wood invited me to

have a peek, to touch and feel them.

And discover the legend of the notes that were once played.

The hidden story behind the music of passion.

Their cry for reliving that moment when they sang the

most wonderful piece of music ever created.

Begged for that immortal song to be played once more.

For the last time, before the immortality

fades into darkness.

The shining white bars magnetized

my fingers to touch them.

The power inside it taught me how to snap my fingers gracefully

above those enchanted slender branches.

I felt I was dancing through the wind. It made me feel so light.

Heavens opened and the box immersed to the

sky while I play the last part of its life.

We raced up in the air like eagles swaying our long wide wings.

I played those last notes as if it will never end.

We stayed up there while the sun gave its brightest light.

Make the best out of this fantasy.

I know this will never be a reality.

As the clouds beneath my feet

carried me out of this world.

For once I escaped the complexities of

living with my feet on the ground.

I took off the blanket that kept me from moving.

But I know I have to put it back when I go down.

When I touched the last bar for the last note, the cloud suddenly disappeared.

I fell slowly from the sky down to earth like a leaf from a tree.

Then I just felt a single tear dropped from my eye, I didn’t know why.

The box magically closed the last chapter of the book.

Not a single note will ever elude, nor a word will ever whisper from it again.

The story did end.

After that dream, I woke up with that same mystical box in front of me.

One April Afternoon

Know that I remember…

            Even if I try to put the memories away from very the heart of my mind,

I still do.

            Know that I adored you so much, far beyond reason, beyond the very knowledge you had of me.

            Know that I have stopped trying to forget,

            I just can not seem to fail not to remember.

            Know that I cherish you and whatever scene I have shared with you within those years.

            Know that I accept this,

            I believe it is how our worlds have been written.

            We are meant to be strangers again.

            Know that I wish you well.

            May the dreams you dared share with me then be fulfilled,

            And if the time comes our roads will cross, perhaps even for that very last time I have hoped

            Know that I wish you well… even if choose to be silent, and decide to walk away.

            Know that having seen you smile feels enough.

            Know that I try to still hear the sound of your smile, silently, when the wind reminds me and whispers.

            Know that I still smile because of you.

            I may have failed to make you love me,

            But you did not.

            Even if you never tried.

            Even if you never knew.

            In me, I know.

Perfect Trees

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How long has it been?  Almost seven years.  I used to daydream at night and stare at my reflection and wonder about someone special.  I used to hope and be discouraged all at the same time.  My mind spent thousands of moments of restless thoughts.  However I do remember that on my head I know this too will pass.  But tonight, at this very moment I remember him and the afternoons we spent under those perfect trees. Like those quiet moments you have alone when it feels alright to remember.  Then your mind starts to travel even to those places where you have already locked the door.  But you know where you hid the key.  I would sometimes think that time is a bit unfair, because it makes us lose the feeling although not the memory.  I admit that I was silly then, I was not sure of what I was doing.  I did not know how to deal with the situations.  I was ready to let go even if I wasn’t sure if I really do want to leave.  But these are all pages of my history book.  They are facts.  But time and again, I find myself sitting in front of my laptop or writing on the pages of my journal and write about that time with him in my life.  I guess, because when someone becomes special, he will remain protected — hidden in the very depths of our subconscious.  Like a masterpiece stored up in the attic.  Once you take a look at it again, the beauty has always been there.  Preserve in its glorious magnificence.  That every line and every color reminds you of that moment you painted it when you were overwhelmed with emotions.  That is why the picture is sacred.  I believe a painting which is not for sale is the real masterpiece.  Because it is the heart of the painter.  That is why he won’t sell it, because if he did, he’d lose a part of him.  The core of his soul.  He will just hide it wherever safe and guarded, until the time comes when he wants to have a glimpse of it again.  And relive that fateful day.  I guess that is what I am doing right now.  Just want to remember.  And then hide the painting again.  I might never sell this one.  Just for the memories I guess.  After all, it is who I was and who I am now.

A Happier Place

I am actually relieved knowing I did not erase this email.  I am writing this anyway here because I know no one other than me would read this… 

                I do empathize to the person who wrote this.   It took me years to actually admit to myself that yes… I think I still have the same feeling perhaps not as much, but I still can remember the same shivering wind all over me.  And those were the times that I actually feel alive. 

                I don’t think it is sad to know that it is just now that I’ve come to realize that I should have just stayed being a friend than nobody in his life at all.  The pain then was so real and had overwhelmed my soul – what I thought was the strong me – that my heart actually surrendered to the unrelenting pain it caused.  I don’t know what other words to use to describe that my heart was really wounded, it wasn’t torn apart nor was broken down into pieces – it experienced near death… No, it died actually.  Ironically, I just don’t know if you’d understand me, but redemption came just after that.  It actually died but I know then that I will be ok someday.  I am not regretting anything, if I have to do things all over again, I believe I’ll take the same roads, because I want to reach the same place where I am right now.  But what I have come to understand now was the reason I was so upset before was because I want him to love me the way I wanted him to. 

                But winters passed by, I have come to look deeper into things and life that love is actually just giving the best of what you can… and putting a more profound sense to it is giving without actually hoping for something in return. 

                Perhaps, realizing that before would make me want to stay and be friends with him or maybe not, because I know my self too well.  But love is really unconditional, no matter how many heartaches and happy endings, stories of love and losing it, tragic endings and difficult beginnings, the real essence of love will always be unconditional.  It is like the love of a mother to her child, only in a much unfathomable sense of the word. 

                Years after my story, I do remember.  When I walk alone in the streets ofManhattan, I smile because of the laughter we shared together with the forgettable and other not so unforgettable moments with him.  But there is always that tiny thought of him at the back of my heart saying…”I wish him well.” 

                Even if he doesn’t or has never thought about what we were before, I wish he is happy and contented wherever he is right now.  I don’t know how to define what I think but this is what I feel.  I may continue this nonsense until who knows when, or I may never stop but there’s this indescribable sense of completeness, because after everything I can now let myself feel what was actually going all throughout my senses.  And this is when I am happier,  where I am happier. Perhaps, this is the reason I left.  So I can be in a place where I can love him unconditionally.

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Handshake

Saying goodbye to you never entered my mind when I learned to love you. Because I know saying goodbye to you might be forever. Saying goodbye is too difficult, it’s unfair that things will never be the same. And even if I try to be strong, saying goodbye to you hurts even deeper than these words can ever tell you and much more than you’ll ever understand. Saying goodbye to you makes me want to stop time, because I want you to stay in my life, even for just a little while. You’re one of those rare people I learned to trust,  which makes it even harder to say goodbye. This is why saying goodbye to you is never easy, It’s like saying goodbye to a big part of me. But I know that I should say goodbye to you. And with it, saying goodbye to the history you have written in my life, Saying goodbye to the friendship which could have gone beyond forever. And saying goodbye to the great and simple moments we could have shared together. And if I have a choice, I will not say goodbye to you like this, But after everything, here I am now… Saying goodbye.